Thursday, July 19, 2012

Potty Ponderings

Roman Toilets -- libya roman heritage world toilet africa magna leptis error worldheritage fwjefferies communal I always find that I think a lot when I'm in the bathroom, who knows, maybe I'm just bored.  I've brought my cell phone in a few times to quell the boredom, but I also have a fear of things falling in the toilet - so that's not a frequent occurrence.

I've actually been afraid of things falling in the toilet for a long time.  In high school, I used to wear rings all the time, and I'd take them off every time I went to the bathroom to avoid them slipping off into the toilet.  You know, because apparently that's a pretty vigorous activity...  Nothing has fallen in to date.

But my falling in fear is just one of the many odd thoughts I have about using the bathroom.  I also hate talking to people - either before, during, or after.  I mean, really, I don't want you to associate me with anything that bathroom may offer.  And it's just awkward conversation! When does it start, when does it end, when do you acknowledge someone... who knows!  I remember we had a partner at Deloitte who loved to talk in the bathroom - and I just couldn't help but think - ummm am I going to make any CLM's???

It also reminds me of early high school, when my friend Karissa and I used to hide out and - gasp - EAT in there.  Yeah the popular girls in our 30 person high school weren't so nice - so we hung out in the bathroom and ate on the baby-changing-counter.  Gross, huh?  I also sang to her... we were awkwardly close admitting that now... urgh.  Good thing I'm not a germ-a-phob, just a bathroom-a-phob.  In the same high school, we also had a teacher who wanted people to talk while she was in there.  Yup - that's what happens at small private schools - you know way too much.

Totally grossed out or should I continue?  I've also had interesting bathroom conversations with co-workers in Europe.  That may have been the funniest conversation ever.  I mean really, Western European toilets have 2 buttons.  One big, one little.  And there is always a toilet brush - in every stall!  Yup, we talked about that - I was never sure - big for most common or big?  Apparently big.  And the toilet brush - I guess they are a self-service country.  But the director we were with continued with his experience at Procter and Gamble's TP division.  How they studied who used more toilet paper (men or women), and the fact that the US TP is pretty thin, and the doors in the stalls in the US - may as well not be there - there's no privacy!  So naturally, I think about this man every time I can see through the cracks :).
I also find that other people's break time habits have made me reel a little - boys, there is definitely no party inside...there are people both brushing their teeth and pumping milk while in stall.  So I guess my phobia of bathrooms isn't unfounded, I just think we all need our own little space... guess I'm glad I didn't live in Roman times!

I guess really, my fear comes mostly from the Santa Clause toilet seat cover that my grandma made long ago.  On the front side of this felt toilet decoration, it's Santa, arms wide saying "ho ho ho", and you may think you know where I'm going - and yes, on the reverse side it's Santa with his hands over his eyes saying "oh oh oh", but the worst thing about it, Santa is PEEKING!  I have never gotten over the fear that Santa is watching me... guess he does know everything...

Well I think I've officially made sure you always have things to ponder while you're... indisposed to do anything else :).  Until next time... don't forget your privacy strips! :)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Flirting.FAIL.

I saw an episode of American Dad the other day, where they were watching Betwitched

 and Stan wanted to have Francine make him martini's after work - well, it failed horribly for them.

But it got me jonesing for a martini real bad.

I had the gin, but no olives.  So I went to Freddy's to pick up the necessities.  I found the olives - soaked in vermouth - which made me realize I needed more than just gin and olives...hehehe - and went to the new, "1183 initiative" liquor section (woot woot!) to find the dry vermouth.

While walking around, I saw this attractive silver-haired man, and "luck" have it, he was headed straight for the liquor as well - my kind of man.  I quickly performed my vermouth-search, and was walking past him, when he started talking to me about the liquor selection and the increase in the tax on the alcohol.  I said, oh, that sucks, but it's nice getting it here (paraphrased).  We exchanged what we were searching for (him bitters, me vermouth).

He momentarily looked for me, I said thanks for the help.  And asked the Freddy's fish man where it might be.

As I turn to head to "aisle 4 or 5", silver-man went on to point out the Dry Fly.

Me: "No, I haven't had, it but, I know it's local and have heard it's good." (I continue to walk away)

He says, "those are really nice boots, my GIRLFRIEND would like them".  Ahhh really, you just pulled the girlfriend card on me? Fine, whatever, you were starting to creep me out anyway.  But silver-fish continues...

As he bends down to look at said boots, reaching out to touch me (Clovis don't like to be touched...)  :"What are these leather?"

Me: "No, they were only $20"

Silver-fish: "Really, they feel like leather"

Me: "Nope"

Silver-fish (standing up-ish): "Huh, they are really nice, she'd really like them" (starts to bend down again) "Are the toes suede?"

Me (pulls away): "No, it's all the same material"

Silver-fish: "Where did you get them? Those are exactly her style"

Me (thinking, what are you gonna take them from me???): "gojane.com"

Silver-fish: "go jean?"

Me: "GOJANE, like 'see jane run'"... and I walk away at this point, as he says "so aisle 4 or 5"...

Not sure what his point was in this whole "flirtation" attempt.  I thought he was cute, then thought he was gay, and it turns out he has 'a girlfriend'.  Would you REALLY mention that in a store-drive-by?  Either way, made me shake me my head and laugh.  What's your worst/best pick-up story?