Devil Worship

Not too long ago, a church leader in Seattle had a few choice words to say about yoga, calling it "demonic" and "a little bit of devil worship".  Makes me think this person hasn't actually gone to yoga.  A friend of mine turned me on to Bikram's (aka hot yoga) about a year or so ago, and since then, I've been making use of the Living Social and Groupon deals to try out different studios.  It's an hour-and-a-half in 120 degrees.  It's the same every class, repetitive, and the only speaking is telling you what to do next - not what to believe or think.  

It's also the only time of my day/ week/ month that I am quiet and still.  It's a time where I feel at peace and pray, meditate on God and practice what I learned in the Quaker church about silence and worship.  During the movements, I don't think about my day, the worries, the stresses or anything else other than breathing, balancing, and sweating :-) (and the only way I can describe the amount of sweat, is to say that I am as wet as if I just climbed out of a pool).  I feel amazing after and realize how much I need the down time in my life (as, even when I'm at home at night, I'm never fully relaxed or at peace - tv, friends, cleaning, and day-to-day life creep in).


Also, when I practice yoga, I feel at peace with me.  I'm okay with who I am, and I feel good when the session is complete.  I love the endorphins coursing through my body, making me feel alive and happy (and even, happy to be alive).  There aren't many times in my life where I've been okay with me.  As far back as I can remember, I was always self-conscious.  About wearing glasses, my height, my size, my teeth, my braces, my glasses, my personality, my lack of athletic ability, my posture, saying the wrong thing, becoming fat, my glasses, everything.  I have never been comfortable with who I am.  I've had the pressure (both actual and perceived) to be perfect.  And I hate that I fail, disappoint those around me, and it even drives me nuts that I'm not okay with me.

But yoga, yoga makes me feel good.  I know I can do it.  My first time, I made it through the entire session without sitting down.  And every time I do a back bend and realize I'm closer to where I should be, or I feel the pain while stretching my hamstrings, I feel like I'm accomplishing something good.  I like that the instructors tell you that some days you can do more than others, and that's okay.  Few other things energize and make me feel like that I actually like me (dancing is another of them, and while there are other moments where I'm okay with me, I'm always self-conscious of what I am doing or how I might be failing).

My therapist has been working with me a lot to start being okay with me, saying what I think/ want and not apologizing for it.  Telling me it is okay, and human, to fail.  To realize, it is okay not being perfect.  It's definitely a journey, but I've enjoyed the little "crumbs" of love I've felt today.  Reminders that life is okay, I don't have to beat myself up when I fail, and that I am loved.

I'll close with these (non-demonic) inspirations, from the Sweatbox's New Year's email:

Yoga is an opportunity-- this year, last year, next year, every day-- to accept ourselves for who we are. To view ourselves with compassion and kindness through our imperfections. When we practice our postures day after day, we practice acceptance of what we can give on that day. We practice letting go of judgment and criticism.


From Hannah's blog (what I feel is nothing compared to what her family has been going through lately, her strength amazes me):

Zephaniah 3:15-17 "...The Lord, the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm... The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." 


And from this evening:

"It's not about perfect, it's about practice."