Edward or Jacob?

To begin with, I apologize for neglecting my blog.  Work has become... nothing short of a pain, and staying around late to write a blog hasn't been top on my priority list (plus, the locations I've been working at blocked my blog... as something like "obscene/tasteless" ;-)).

And now, I've got something on my mind, and a little down time, so I guess I'll share.  Plus, writing helps me process things (that and getting sufficient sleep).  One way or another, people are going to be unhappy with my decision, but I gotta be me, right?  I mean, if I'm not happy, I am definitely a pain in the ass to be around.

You're probably thinking, what the pho are you talking about Natalie?  Get to it!  Ok ok, so I've been debating my living situation.  Portland is calling, and my heart flutters at the thought of it.  But I've started to put down roots in Seattle, I have a great friend base and great coworkers, I like my living situation (ummm I love living downtown in the heart of all the action), and I haven't yet been pulled over for having Oregon plates, yet.

The best way I can describe my feelings, and thus the impossibly difficult decision, is to compare them to Twilight.  I know, I'm a total Vamp dork, but analogies help my lil' logical mind wrap my head around the situation.

On one hand there's Portland - which is totally my Edward.  Edward has my heart.  I feel like I was ripped from his hands (not by choice but by circumstances "out" of my control), and when I'm around my family there or things are bad here, I think of him.  And trust me, this is often.  The pain has subsided (or at least been masked a little), and I don't cry every time I leave Portland, but still, I could if I let myself.  And the other week, as I was sitting with my girlfriends at the Tegan & Sara concert, I felt truly at home and peaceful, I knew I belonged to Edward.  Like we were meant for each other.  Edward definitely makes me grow up a little, I feel like I will be settled with him.  But am I ready to be settled?!?

And then there's Seattle - definitely Jacob :).  Irresistible.  Hard to turn down.  Heated and dangerous (see the numerous girls night picts from fb).  But on days like today, he's just a total brat (namely because of the j-o-b).  Jacob's the fun one.  The one I go out with late at night to tear up the town.  The one who's encouraged me to get out, make friends, move on from Edward.  He's been great.  I've grown to love him.  But I think he knows, he'll always play 2nd fiddle to Edward.

So, where does that leave me?  I don't want to give Jacob up, but I desperately want to be with Edward.  Can I have both?  And if I have a baby, will Jacob fall for her?;-)  Is it just cuz I've been in a place for 2 years and I'm antsy?  Sigh, if only I knew the answer...I know, that's part of the journey and just a part of life.  I'm kinda waiting for it to hit me across the head (and no wife, just cuz you hit me, does not mean I'll choose Jacob).  

What it really comes down to is time. I'm not in a rush, and Portland won't be falling into the ocean like California will, so I should be good.  At least, I hope Rocky's song isn't true... I guess that's what I've been thinking lately.  I'll keep you posted.  ~NattyJo

How to Meet Guys: 101

A few months back, finding myself newly single and pondering the age old question - how does one go about meeting men?  Of course, all taken friends have their suggestions, and some happen to be internet dating.  And while I have no qualms against it, I'm not ready to admit defeat just yet. I'd like to think I still have it in me to find a guy in person....  So my options are limited, I haven't found a church I like, work - well, let's just say: "don't sh*t where you eat" should be followed, and the hobbies I like... not so sure I WANT to meet a guy who knits, scrapbooks, or is in love with Edward Cullen...;-).

Little did I know that by posing this question to the universe, that the universe would respond back with a smack-in-the-face of "this is how b*tch".  Ok, well maybe it wasn't that forceful, but definitely, don't ask if you don't want an answer.

Now, I believe that things happen for a reason and I'm always open to meeting people and up for something new (obviously, or how else would I have met the lovely Mr. Dempsey!?, trust me, you meet no one in your hotel room, unless you're into the housekeeping ladies, which I, am not, instead you meet them in your hotel gym ;-P).  Ok, let me put a caveat to that "open to meeting people" - I don't do blind dates/ set-ups.  I am not up for these, no matter "how amazingly awesome" he is.  If I must meet him, at least attempt the "nonchalant meeting", please, save me from the insanity of blind dates!  (unless of course I get to have those little bubbles coming out with my thoughts!)

In the past 6 months, I have met guys in some normal and some of the most unconventional ways (which is which, well, I'll let you be the judge :) - like the taxi driver who gave me his personal number after dropping me off one night - umm creepy, he knows where I live and has me trapped in his sticky cab!).  But thinking back, compared to other times in my life, the recent meetings aren't any more unusual than normal for me (such as rock climbing with Cheri, meeting a couple guys, and going to the Shanghai Tunnel (skipping in our gym clothes) for some stout and mac'n'cheese after...)

Case in point, I've both flirted with and gotten phone numbers while driving... though I think we only talked on the phone that once, I still remember him trying to communicate his number to me w/ his hands... only to realize that he kept leaving out the area code - which wasn't 503 as expected, but 360, dude, those 3 numbers are important!  While most times, flirting with the guy (or sometimes just the car itself, haha), I've at least gotten a wave of acknowledgement and a coy smile :-).

There's the "standard" bar scene - which obviously hasn't lead to anything permanent, but has yielded some friends (namely those residing in Sin City).  I did find the "you look bored" line amusing, especially when he asked if I was going to end up blogging about him, sorry dude, this is all ya get.  I mean, what kind of people hang out in bars, seriously?;-)

I also enjoy meeting bartenders mostly cuz they can't get away from me;-) haha, j/k.  But no, not really, I like that they have to talk to me...

Probably, the most amusing recently was the guy from the shuttle bus - ha! Just admitting that "out loud" makes me laugh.  I mean, who seriously gives their number to a guy from a shuttle bus?  Apparently "this girl" (points to self with thumbs).  Even worse, after he'd taken my number (and I'd driven away), apparently it didn't save and he had to ask the MasterPark for my name (shame on you MasterPark for giving it out!) and he then proceeded to find me on LinkedIn.  Gotta give the guy props for the follow-through (unlike the waiter at a restaurant who memorized my name from the receipt and looked me up on MySpace - claiming it was unusual so it was easy to remember... ask me for my number next time, stalker...).

There are the few guys I've met at concerts, which seems like a good place - instant common interest!  But my luck there runs thin (anyone remember Texty!?), not to mention the guy I met at the Rocky Votolato concert the other night - this dude's friend's decided it would be amusing to pretend he was someone famous.  Gotta admit, his one friend was fairly annoying about the whole thing...seriously, they went as far as to have people come up and take pics with him... I guess it takes all types, right? (so if you ever meet a guy by the name of Ian, he isn't, nor has he ever been famous... don't let him or his bored friends mess with you)

Who knows, I keep hoping my braveness (also interchangeable for stupidity) will lead me to the man of my "dreams", and if worst-comes-to-worst at least more amusing adventures :)!!

This Day is Out to Get Me!

This is definitely one of those days that if I hadn't have been in SUCH a good mood, I would be pissy and cranky.

I woke up at 5:52 am - 8 min prior to my alarm going off - this is one of my LEAST favorite things, I value sleep and want to squeeze every minute of it like getting that last drop of juice from a grapefruit.  But I know why I woke up - I was uncomfortably warm and needed water - thank you alcohol for the lovely dehydration you granted me!  And as I laid there, I fought with myself - do I get up, read my Bible (gasp, I know) and workout or do I hit the snooze button.  Getting up at this point would still leave me PLENTY of time and I'd probably be to work early as a result.  Because normally, I like to snooze for exorbitant amount of time - 1 1/2 hrs some days.  Well, the lazy side won - and snooze until 7:30 it was... hey, I didn't have a meeting until 9:30 - this was my tired self justifying my lazy a$$.

Either way, I'd decided what I wanted to wear - my white pants - it feels springy and happy and I knew I'd seen an idea of how to wear them on this fashion blog - awesomeness, you should check it out - http://www.frugal-fashionistas.com/.  The outfit was modified to what I have, but still, I think it works?  Confidence is definitely an accessory :) haha.

Coffee was next on my agenda - and of course I had to throw it out to coworkers, and got Beth's order in perfect time to add it to mine (a tall, 1 pump vanilla, whole milk, light caramel, caramel macchiato - this is a treat cuz some mornings, all I can get out is - tall vanilla latte).  Sigh, happiness.  Plus my ipod was playing some great music - oh wait, it's MY music... who needs pandora? :) - Sam's Town was giving me happy thoughts of the Killers concert, and I was rockin' out!

But as I was about to turn to work... I heard my phone - Wan texted how much she appreciated the offer... well, I couldn't leave her hanging and it wasn't quite 9 yet, plus, I justified, I needed breakfast and kleenex.  So off I drove to the Safeway.

Donut holes, kleenex, some draino (for home, not Wan's coffee), bananas and coffee later... I was back in the car.  Well, mistake - I had the drip coffee (thank the Lord it was only drip and not some sugary sweet/ milkiness) in the carrier by itself and on flipping a bitch.... it decided to flip one as well!  Crap!  Ok, put it upright... no napkins were available, so I rolled down the window and watched the coffee slosh :(.  No worries, I'd get it at work - still smiling.

Got to work, cleaned my car (I think Meredith liked the coffee, some had sunk in already...), and got ready for the 9:30 meeting (including getting some donut holes, they were rolly polly little buggers and a couple escaped my grasp :().  It wasn't raining, so we walked :).  The meeting ended early - woohoo! and I got to my desk in time for the Dbrief (cpe training on fraud, super fun!).  And while I was listening, I decided to check mint (yes, I am addicted, LOVE IT!) - hmmm, what's this RC Railway in AZ?!  And for $584 bucks!?  Yikes!  Well, turns out its a super nice hotel at the Grand Canyon - one that I did not visit.

A quick call to BofA - and withing 15 min, they were telling me they would credit my account, cancel the card and send me a new one! No disputing, no questioning... just believing me! Wow, gotta say, much appreciated!!  Though this will have been the 2nd credit card number I've memorized and had to give up due to some fraud... :-(

And now I'm smiling to some new music (Train's - Hey, Soul Sister - it was amazon's mp3 deal of the day, so the CD was only $2.99!) and waiting for Jon & Gayle to bring me my Vietnamese chicken sandwich - yum!  This day is not going to steal my joy! :)

Shane Co Away!

Ok, so maybe that title didn't work as well in writing as it did in my head, but it amused me enough to be retained as the blog heading.

I know we've ALL heard the Shane Co commercials on the radio, and can probably quote the ending line for line w/ the announcer (...Shane Co, off of Hwy 217 across from the Washington Square Mall, open weekdays til 8, Saturday and Sunday til 5, online at Shaneco.com...).  
Yes, they are annoying, not to mention all the other jewelry ads we have to put up with - Fred Meyer, EE Robbins, and the dreaded Jared the Galleria of Jewelers (I'd rather let a carnivorous earwig eat my brain out).

They are usually just white noise and I don't like to station surf if I don't have to, so most of the time I put up with them.  Though I have to say, after my breakup, I couldn't and would change the station immediately (come on, it was like salt in the wound, a carrot in front of my face that I could never have... mean!).  But I got over that and it's been fine.  Until last night...

I'm not sure what it was that caused me such pain, but it was like a stab in the back, a scab picked off that hadn't healed fully.  The commercial was addressing the far distance to drive to Lynnwood, WA to get an engagement ring.  And Mr. Tom Shane in his monotone drawl, was saying it was worth it for their direct diamond imports that save you money (don't you tell me you don't have a friend in the diamond business!).

And his last line was something like: "isn't your girlfriend worth the drive" and my first thought was no, I mean, really, to a certain someone, I wasn't even worth the diamond let alone the excessive drive to get one.  I don't say this to be completely bitter, but he really did complain to me about the cost of a ring, many many times (its not the size or price that matters, its the meaning, right?).  So I just have to say that stupid commercial just reopened the wound that said "I wasn't worth it"...and now, I will return to my boycotting of those wretched commercials and their unintended reminders of my worth or implied lack thereof.

The Dating Game...

Well, I've been meaning to get this one out for awhile now (that's what she said? - Jason, you'll have to let me know if that was appropriate or not...it's feeling a little limp to me;-))...and be prepared, this guy was nice, but well, it's turned into something that Really Grinds My Gears... :)

Being as I've been single for going on 7 months now, and having a few dates here and there, but nothing to write home about (not that I would anyway...), I decided at the Phoenix concert, I would give out my number and try going on a date with a guy (I mean, really, if you don't try, you'll never know right?).  I know, I was being brave, but little did I know what I would be getting myself into....

For purposes of anonymity, we'll call this guy Fred.  Fred did the polite thing and gave me a call Sunday after the concert (I didn't answer, as I was with Jackie all day, plus, I have to admit, I am a phone screener, I hate talking on it, so why would I want to talk to a person I didn't know?! Unless I get to pretend to be a scary guy named Stewie who likes to pick up guys in my car...).  There were probably a couple of red flags I should have heeded from the concert

1. he was there with a group of friends, and his ex-gf happened to be there as well, he had to hide that he was getting my number, I'd had a little alcohol, my senses were a little off, and 
2. he asked if I gave him a fake, and then referenced that when he texted me later - not sure I've met too many confident guys who worry about that...).  

I hate listening to/ returning phone calls, I avoid it like the plague, so it said something that this guy was willing to pursue since he texted me on Monday (or it says desperate, you be the judge).  Now, I have to say, that I have been guilty of this before, and it always throws me back to "he's just not that into you"... but when you look through your chat screen, it should be about an 1 to 1 ratio, give or take a few.  I mean, really, if you are going to have a chat conversation, make it that.  If you want an answer to a question, let the person answer before asking the next question...but I digress...(and for all those non-iphone users out there, my messages are in green :))

I agreed to a date for that coming Friday night (and I wasn't happy to be giving up my Friday night to this guy, but no other night was available) - you can't tell about a person strictly from a text, I'd give him a shot.  But as the week wore on, and I got worn out by the text conversation (I mean, it was like he was trying to get to know me via text, dude, wait for the date!  I don't really wanna play 20 questions ALL FREAKING DAY!).
Friday came... and boy was I not looking forward to this date, I was beyond annoyed, and I'd made get out plans with Jackie.  My poor coworkers had to hear about this, and I'm sure were amused at my antics (I'm sure this single girl provides lots of amusement, maybe its just my plight in life?).  I asked where we were going, hoping to just meet up (I mean, who gets in a car w/ a stranger, I would *never* do something like that... haha, ok, that's a lie).  So Fred asked:

Either way, the date went actually ok.  He was a very nice guy, we had a nice dinner at the Icon Grill, and I was feeling ok to keep hanging out for a drink after, plus the half bottle of wine had me happy.  I wrote off the mad texting to the "he was just nervous" category... and ok with the idea of date 2, but not willing to go out of my way to make it happen (should have been another flag to me, as I believe that you make time for what you want to do, no matter how busy you are... case in point, I'm hanging out w/ a friend tonight to watch Family Guy :), even though I already have plans M, Th, and F).

So I hadn't committed to any times/ dates, etc, as I really didn't know what I had going on, and didn't really want to fill up every night, plus I knew I had plans to eventually see Avatar with Wan, collect on drinks from my Fantasy Football win, and umm, relax like a normal person! :)  Last week was much the same, so I wasn't quick on the response (and there was one night where I made it clear I was just getting home from work at 7, and wasn't feeling well, and he was like psycho crazy texter that night), and this past weekend I was out of town all weekend with K :) (see blog here).

I was beginning to realize his interest in me was a lot more than mine in him... he's looking for a serious relationship, whereas, I'm like seriously, do I want to be in a relationship?!  Another case in point - his worry about my responding to texts...

I left my phone at work last night, eh, no biggie, I've figured out how to use the oven timer to wake me up in the morning, but let me tell you, trying to snooze that way isn't very fun... ;-)... this also means, I wasn't getting any messages, no biggie for most normal, secure people, right?  I think the unread messages this morning might have pushed me over the edge...

And now, I'm not sure where to go... I really don't want a second date, but I kinda said yes before...how do I let him down? I've never been known to stick around for freebies... (or else I would have had some clothes from Brooke Burke...but that's another story), so putting up with this for a possible date next week seems out of the question.  But I would really like this monkey off of my back... as I'm pretty sure I'm not interested, because in comparison, when I am, responding makes it's way to the top of my list, and I look forward to hearing back from that person.  But Fred hasn't given me that chance, he's always 1st to text me, I like to feel like I have room to reciprocate the feelings.  Ok, I've reached the end of my rant, suggestions are more than welcome!